My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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