I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
