my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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