I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize