Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
