i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
