Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
