remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
