Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
