That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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