You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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