Apparently you make a good broom.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
