I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
operation have a gay friend backfired
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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