:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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