I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
