he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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