oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we should paint friendship bongs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
