If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
