theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
