If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
