are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
