Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
zippers are such a cool invention
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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