Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
