No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
