i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
