I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She bit a glass in half.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
