anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
