I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
