Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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