you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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