I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
