you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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