Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im part way to drunk.
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