piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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