i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
