Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
