If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
