There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
