I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
