I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
