trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
