you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
