There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
