I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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