i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
