That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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