my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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