I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
