I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
