Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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