Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
