I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize