K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Randomize
