i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize