Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
