Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
