South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
