Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
