hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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