Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
