I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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