Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In America we eat man semen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
