sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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