doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
