Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mondays should just be called national damage control day
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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