omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
