I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
