Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize