Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
These tits shall not be calmed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
