I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
